my boyfriend didn't come home last night.... go figure. Not the first time, won't be the last time.... Yes, he walks on me, but I tend to tread a bit on him also (for this very reason). The way I see it, I was a good girl for THREE years, and he still, went out, didn't come home, no calling-of course he can't call because he wont' get my a phone, wonder why... it's either because he doesnt' want me to know where he is or when he'll be home, or that he racked up a $600 bill under my name, talking to many-a-girl off the internet, but it's different you know... The truth is, I don't know, maybe things are similar between us, maybe I treated him bad, so he's doing it back to me now, how should I know-will someone tell me please... It all started with him cheating on me when I was pregnant... now I could really give a fuck-I cant' trust him--sure I sorta to, just to mainly be naieve of the whole damn thing... Is it being naieve if you realize you're doing it? Today-at this moment, I am supposed to be uptown, at the Governors Mansion with my little girl. Sadly her "good" daddy forgot.
I don't like throwing that "good daddy" thing around, he's not bad, he pays the bills, and occastionaly plays w/ her/feeds her-he works "a lot"-but it's this exact thing that makes me think He doesn't give a flying fuck about any of us (so there's just us two, that should be enough right?) I try to be a great girlfriend... I do know I dont' have a job, things are complicated, and yes, even so complicated that his little complex mind can't comprehend that with one car, no babysitter, how we can pull that off without laying all the stress on me. I guess since the stress is on me, it doesnt' count as stress-so he just forgets about it....
I'm not sure what i'll do right now, or tomorrow, or next month or even in 2005... I do love Shaun, I just can't take it... it started off with him doing bad things, then me, us both... soooo I don't know what will happen.... but I hope he knows what he's doing--i'm blind.


MUSIC- 3 Days Grace--"Just Like You"