Hi everyone... have you missed me? I will say everything as it comes.... be patient with me... My world is now upside down.... I have left the man I was with for 4 years... I moved back in with my dad (and don't forget my sister, and their 3 cats)... I get my daughter when he works... I sleep on the floor on a 2 inch thick egg-crate foam "mattress"... I got hired at a grocery store about a mile and a half away... I'm driving an '88 Ford Festiva--dont' get your hopes up, she goes about 40mph max. ... I go out with my  best friend (and a few others) more this past month than I have in the past year...

I'm not sure what else to stick there, so I'll just go on with things I could say... I break down and cry a lot... I want to be held, I want the feeling of someone there, I want to know I belong to someone and that they belong to me. I want to feel love... I want passion... I want.... I want someone to calm my heart when it's trembling.

I feel vulnerable and alone... I feel horribly misunderstood...

My sister and I are 7 years apart... Every day.. I clean her dishes, and pick up after her... I clean up this house... every day. She gets $$ when she wants it, she gets everything she wants. I am so distanced from my parents... they don't know me.... and they defanitly don't know her. We are so different. I am my own person... and she's like my mother. I love my mother.. I really do... she's my mother... I know she loves me... that woman is the most selfish, money hungry person I know. She would put me, my sister, and my dad out on the street... because she wants 1/2 the money for this house... all because she has to pay child support, because SHE left my dad.

Every day the tell me; "respect your sister"... "Heather, treat your sister better"... "be nice to your sister"... what the fuck about me? What about me? The child (of 15 years old) treats me horribly (now, not to be completly misguided.. on occasion, she is nice to me... tonight for instance... she was pretty nice to me)... I am constantly nice to her... it makes me sick how nice I am to her. Can I get some respect please?

Who am I? -- I'm the girl that gets everything taken out on... when my dad went to jail, he had to sell his car.. the car he built, to support my mom and us kids while he was in there... he always yells at me because of this... esp. when he's drunk

I am the daughter of two alocholic parents... that always tell me not to drink. Boy... are they wasting their breath... I want to be nothing like that.

I'm not trying to bring anyone down... let's look on the bright sides (and yeah... I'm too optimistic- gimme a smile now...) I have a wonderful daughter that I get to see every single day b/c her father and I are friends. Shaun and I get along now... we can talk about things... and be civil... finally. I have a job now... part time, $6/hr.... but i've got something... I have a car... yeah, she's a slow poke, and she shakes a bit... but she gets me there... I am able to live at my dad's house.... as much as i get yelled at, as much shit as i have to clean... and as cold as I get... I'm not on the street...

I will start to write more.. maybe a poem or two sometimes... I will look up... because I love the stars... I will smile... because I'm beautiful when I smile... I will be happy... because I can be... and I will love... because I love being loved. And please... "Don't try to fix me... I'm not broken".... not yet

All my love~Heather