okay.... so i feel a little better--i just can't imagine how she feels... I haven't called her yet, her cell phone min. dont' start until after 9, so I'll do her a favor and call then... I got up today and had the feeling that I couldn't breath again... I think it's anxiety. I had it in high school.... no fun. Of course, I am cooking dinner, and started feeling it again... I feel bad because I'm not with her, I'm not there and I'm her best friend... I'm sitting here at home, and yeah, i'm reluctant to call her, because I know I'll talk to her forever and that costs minutes--I should sue Cingular... ugh.. i wish. That money would be well spent! I'm cooking Zucchini "toasties" that I got from NickJr.com--it's in the dora section if you're interested... not bad, i'm also cooking Spanish Rice... i really like it, my mom used to make it for me, and so it reminds me of my childhood... I'm not quite sure why I would keep myself from crying... I know if I start i'll just bawl.... I called her last night bawling, it helped to talk to her.. I said to her "i told you i'm a 'shock kinda girl'" meaning, I don't cry right away, i wait until it sinks waaaay in, and then *BAM* it hits me. Then I'm torn in all different directions, for a while... I'm pretty sure i"m just thinking about it way too much, I need to just relax and let things come/go as they will..
When my best friend, Chadd, died, I was strong about it, but if I think about him, or if I miss him particularly bad one day... I'll bawl.. I mostly do that in the shower... Oh well...
I'm going to go do laundry now.. I have a headache, feel "groggy" and i'm waiting for 9 to get here....
Love ~ Me